Artistic Freedom and the Trap of Success.

Most of my adult life I’ve been trying to figure out where my creative output “fit.” This is bull kaka. At least for me it is. If I wanted to be a craftsman, worker for hire, to create towards someone else’s need this would be fine. But I don’t. I want to express my vision, to create out of my soul and to make exist things that I would like to see/hear/read. So why bother trying to fit in anywhere? Because I’m generally a nice guy and I want to make wise choices and be responsible with my time and “succeed.”

The problem lies in how I’ve been defining success.

I’ve been defining success in terms of two things, one being money, two being acceptance. If I could make a career out of my music that would mean I was successful, and I could rationalize spending lots of time making music (on top of having a day job, a family, and an old broken down house to work on.) On the other hand If my work is accepted, or loved and appreciated then the money wouldn’t be necessary because its quality would be validated, and I would be fed by the positive response. Unfortunately for anyone seeking to create (the “A” word, or artist) these two destinations usually require serious compromise.

Here’s where I’m at today. Forget “fitting in.” AND, just as importantly, forget success. For now, I just want to create with as few constraints as I am mentally and physically able. I want to make music with my heart and my hands, to paint or write (or whatever) with my insides (intelligence, spirit, guts, soul) guiding my choices. Will anyone pay for it? I have no idea. Will anyone other than me think it’s good? No clue. But I have to allow myself not to care or worry about that right now. Every creator I’m a fan of creates things oozing in singularity, works that rise out of the sludge due to their originality, clarity, and vision. I don’t see the words acceptance or money in that last sentence at all. Do I hope that in doing this some “success” will come eventually? Sure. But in the making of it, in the actual creation, I want freedom.

Here’s to FREEDOM.